Happy holidays

Dear world,

As most people this time of year they are getting ready for the holidays with family and friends.  Beingalone any time of year is no fun but it’s so much worse nowadays.  As I’m constantly told I’m of no value and have no life because I’m single, not married and have no kids.  No matter how hard I try my thoughts continually go back to suicide as its the easy way out.  I’m thinking I need to straighten my house and things as nothing seems to matter to me anymore.  I’ve read numerous books and nothing is helping.  My friends ignore me or blow me off so that just makes me feel more useless.  I feel my family only cares when they need something.  I’m just so fed up and at wits end I’m at a loss.  My mind goes in circles and I cannot seem to get any sleep.  Trying to figure out why I’m here as I don’t see my value or worth here in this world.  Happy holidays.

Sincerely yours,

Worthless

Take a number

Dear world!

 still wondering what I did wrong in life to be this miserable and lonely.  There is no pleasing everyone but I’d settle to please anyone.  Holidays are not good as people want me there mainly to laugh at or to watch the kids.    I stayed home knowing I really wouldn’t be missed.  As expected this was true and they want me to do what they want.  I’m never asked what I want only what they want.  I’m a grown adult and I should be treated in such a way.  Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m at your beckon call.  My response now is take a number.  I am miserable and cannot see a reason to stay here on earth.   Most people I know are fake or only want something from you.  I’ve got no real purpose to be here.  It’s not fair that I should deal or tolerate this behavior.  I’m so tired of telling me I’ve got the time as I don’t have kids at home.  I’m sorry I’m not perfect and I’ve made many mistakes so this is seeb as being useless and of no value.  I hate holidays, I hate my lifeand I’m not sure what to do anymore.  

Sincerely yours,

Worthless

Holiday season

Dear holiday people,

I know most of you love this time of year, but it makes me crawl further into my shell.  I feel so alone, depressed and unwanted this time of year.  I’ve been told many times to start anew, start fresh and do what should be done.  I’m so depressed I don’t even know what to do anymore.  It’s so hard to be alone this time of year.  Yes I’ve got friends who want me in their family and to join them but I’m just not in a social mood.  I’m really not sure what to do or how to deal.  I just don’t feel like doing anything and I don’t care to be with anyone.  I need to focus on the good and positive but I just don’t know how to do it.  I don’t feel as if I deserve anything good and I’m meant to be alone.  I see myself alone and depressed if I can find a reason to be here.  I’ve upset some true friends as I really can’t be in a social setting.  My attitude needs to change and I’ve got to find value and meaning in life.  

Sincerely yours, holiday hater

Life, what is it?

Dear world,
What is the meaning of life? I’m so confused as I still find no meaning for being here on earth. I’m at the point now that I really see no point to living. I’m constantly harassed or ignored by most people especially family, who are supposed to be there for you. At a family event today I was ignored by most unless they needed something. My sister is in town so now I really have no value. I don’t know why I tolerate this or even let it bother me but it does. I’m so exhausted from working so many hours it seems as though no matter what I do it’s wrong. I need to find a reason to live and to go on. I’m at a point where I don’t care about much. Too much stress, pain and apathy are not a good combination. I need outta here for good
Sincerely yours
Useless wonder

Life

Dear world,

why is life so confusing?  I’m supposed to have some time off in December but I was told by my boss last night that I could not have most of my vacation time.  One day I’m told I’m no good and don’t know how to do my job and now I’m told they are worried if I take off too many days in a row.  If the latter is true then why do I continually get treated badly, taken advantage of and don’t get paid nearly what I’m worty?  I really feel as I’m there to do what they want.  Can I ever catch a break?  I’m so tired it’s harder and harder to find the good in anything. It would be so nice to get some rest and feel valued.  I don’t want to live my life the way it is and I can’t seem to do anything right.  Yes the holidays are close and I’m very down and depressed this time of year.  So confused and lonely I’ve got no reason to be here on earth.  This is so hard trying to go on.  I’m so wishing for a life but can’t seem to find one.  I don’t have a lot of people I can really talk to as most people do not really listen.  I’m so fried I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sincerely yours,

Lost and more confused

Thoughts on life

Dear world,

Please help me understand my life and what I should be doing. I’m so confused and cannot seem to do anything right.  I’m constantly wrong at and for whatever I do and I cannot seem to catch a break.  I’m very stressed out about everything around me and I’m constantly thinking I have no value or purpose other than to be here to serve as a punching bag.  I know my pain levels aren’t helping but it’s so hard living my life the way it is now.  I try to think positive and good thoughts but then the negativity hits.  I’m just at a loss as what to do.  I’ve lost most of my friends as they are fake and I need genuine people in my life.  Right now I’m so bad I feel like just sleeping and not waking up, that way my mind will be clear.  Thank you to those who have sent comments as you are helping me see good things.

Sincerely yours,

Worthless

Value of life

Dear world,

Yesterday was very interesting.  I’m taking a class on Jewish ethics and our topic yesterday was on suicide.  I was a bit hesitant about going but I was really interested in this topic.  Being on the edge so much lately I was looking to see the Jewish perspective.  It was a great class and it revolved around the idea of willfulness.  If the suicide was done willfully the family was not entitled to the normal religious burial rites.  But the great thing is that we try and find a way so that it is not considered willful.  If you’re not in the right state of mind, like me right now it is not considered willful.  Not a good thing for me to hear as this gives me validation on committing suicide.  It also says that debt and financial obligations are another way to say it is not willful.  It was a very interesting class and in my frame of mind this class just gave me permission to commit suicide.  Now I really need to find a purpose or reason to live as I feel so devalued.

Sincerely yours

Trying to find value