As I look back at my so called friends I’ve only got one thing to say, wow. I’ve recently found someone who has truly believed in me and has a genuine care for me as who I am. She is the main reason I’m still alive today. I’m so much more than grateful. My friends growing up we’re there for show . A lot liked me as I could do something for them or needed me for something. As I look back now a lot of my friends loved coming over not for me but to try and talk to mybrothers. Others friended me because Ibhad a car. I trusted people as I thought they had my best interest in mind. I truly believe that if I had friends that really cared I would have felt better and suicide would not be in my vocabulary. I’ve got a very tough, rough exterior so people do not get to know the real me. I thought this was a good thing so I could keep things to myself. I should have talked to my friends and family but I could never really talk to them. No one really cared about me they just listened but never heard what was really said. Others laughed at everything I said and did. My male friends related better to me as we had sports as a common bond. My female friends used metoo get to the athletic guys. I had friends make plans and then a lot of times they would cancel on me if something better came along. I took friendships for granted as just assumed it was my fault whenever anything went wrong. It seems that unless I do what’s expected of me that I’m no good and of no value to anyone. I never should have trusted these people as I did. It took me a very long tIme to realize how much people used me to their benefit. Thanks to a great person who I love dearly, I’m slowly realizing there are genuine people here. I just need to find a way to trust that someone will truly care for me and accept me as I am. I only wish I could find a way to really have a heart to heart conversation about my true feelings. I’m hoping to start learning to trust people and to get the word suicide out of my vocabulary once and for all. Thanks for believing in me so I’ve got a chance of living. I love you and please don’t leave me.
Your new friend