Why do we have to work? Life would be more fun and easier if we did not have to work. I have been in my profession for over 30 years in which I have gained incredible knowledge and insight. In this time I’ve also earned a few university degrees amongst numerous certifications. I truly believe I’m one of the best in my field. Not to brag or sound cocky but I’m very good at my job. So why do I let people at work get to me? I have been yelled at by all the big bosses for the past 3 weeks. This constant mistreatment makes me wonder why I’m here on Earth. I’ve pretty much been told I’m no good and I’ve got no clue what I’m doing. If there was ever a good time to commit suicide, this would be it. But the more I think about committing suicide the more I want to stay alive to piss these people off. I’ve never been appreciated or acknowledged for anything I do. Why do I care? I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I need to focus on me and just do what I know is right. I need to do my job and not worry or care about others. I’ve got very few real people in my life that genuinely care or have a concern for me. This makes me realize I have no value or worth and will not be missed. I have spent way too many days and nights crying. I’m not sleeping or eating well and this is not helping me. I don’t even know what I want. I’m second guessing everything I say and do. They being educated is good but I cannot figure out how or why. Most jobs will not look at me as I’m overqualified. So how does my education help? I know a lot of people with less education and certifications doing better than me. And this leads to my feelings of worthlessness. I’m not saying or writing this to get pity but just to state a point. I don’t like my ass kissed by people as I’d rather treated for who I am as a person. And getting yelled at constantly does not help me nor does it make me want to stay alive. It seems that no matter what I do or say I’m wrong. That is the best reason not to stay alive. It is getting so hard to be me. I feel like a punching bag but without any external marks or bruising. Why do I still work where I do today? There is only one reason, I do it for the kids. My passion is working with the kids. They are so sweet and innocent. There are plenty of other people here that could do my job when I leave this Earth, sooner than later. And if it’s true that only the good die young, the only way I can die is by taking my own life. I’m at such a loss I don’t even know what to do. I realy feel as if today should be last day here on Earth as I’m not sure how much more I can take.
Lost and confused