I went to your house this afternoon to say hi as I knew it would be relatively quiet. I called first to see if they needed anything. Being that they have caller ID, I knew my dad would answer the phone. He is generally happy to talk to me and to see me. As usual he wanted lottery tickets and I had to go to the pharmacy anyways. My mom hates getting him tickets and he doesn’t drive anymore so it was my pleasure. I would do anything for my parents when push comes to shove. When I walked in the house my dad said thank you and started talking to me. He’s not feeling great so I like to make sure he is ok. He will talk to me and tell me the truth and he also knows if he needs something he will get it from me. My dad only knows a few phone numbers but mine iembedded in his mind. It doesn’t hurt that I tend to work a lot and fortunately my job is only a few minutes from my parents house. My mom was on the phone when I walked in and that’s fine as I could get my dad time in. She did not seem happy to see me as she is finally starting to realize that I need and deserve to be treated better. Just because I’m not married and I don’t have kids, does that mean I’m no good and I’m of no value? That is how I have always been treated and I just accepted it. I should be accepted for who I am and forwhat I do and not just what I can do for you. I just wanted to be treated the same as you treat anyone else. I’m trying to do the best I can with what I have. I’m not asking for special treatment just acknowleded for being me. I don’t make a lot of money so I work a couple of jobs to pay my bills. My family would help me if I got in real trouble but then they would hold it over my head. In the past they have helped me financially as well as helping my siblings. I’m trying to pay my bills and I’m trying to be responsible. I’ve been given stipulations recently if I borrowed money and this is the root to a lot of my current family issues. But note my siblings borrow money and the response is that they have kids and they need to be taken care of and I’m alone. I really do not see my parents to get money. I love them and all I want at this point is their love and friendship. Now they see that I’m doing what I want and they see they need to accept me as I am. I’ve been told that blood is thicker than water so my family should be there for me. I’m giving them space so they can accept me and realize I’m around but not for their convenience. I’m still the black sheep so there’s only so much I can do. Love me for who I am as a person and not what I can do for you. I’m here for you but I’m done having you take advantage of me. I should not consider ending my life in order to avoid you at all costs. Please if you really want me here do not drive me to suicide. I’m real and I’m still here trying to make sense of everything and see my value and worth in order to stay alive.
trying to stay alive