Dear World,

I have just one question,  why me?  Am I really that bad of a person?  What can I do to amend for the past?  I’ve been told numerous times that in order to receive youkneed to believe.  Please tell me how and what to believe.  I’m willing to learn if only I can be seen in a better light.    Really I do try but no matter what I do it’s never enough or just not right.  It seems as everyone is changing and moving up and forward and I’m stuck in reverse.  I’m at a job where I worked as a kid and it was actually my first job other than babysitting.    I’ve been told its fate as this is where I belong.  As I’ve said before I love most aspects of my job but the politics and red tape are killing me.  No matter how hard I try I end up doing it wrong.  I’m in a difficult position as no one really wants my job but it seems as if I can’t do it either.  In life I love the environment and animals.  I’ve got two fish tanks that I love as I’m not home enough for a dog.week few months ago I wanted to add more to my tank so I bought two orange crayfish.  They were the coolest creatures, then they started eating everything in my tank.  If that wasn’t enough after the tank was emptied they went on to kill each other.    I cleaned the tank and changed the water and let it sit for a week.  After that time I bought some more fish hoping for the best.  I put them in the tank one by one.  After a day the fish slowly died one after another.  I changed the water and tank again putting new fish in the tank.  I’ve had numerous fish tanks of various sizes over the years.  So I’m not a rookie as I’ve got a lot of experience with freshwater fish and aquatic turtles.  I’m now hoping my new fish will thrive in their new environment.  In the mean time my phone starts buzzing with text messages from work.  I’m trying to take some  time off and I’m still in constant contact.  I really do believe I’m the best at what I do professionally and I’m so trying to believe in myself and see how valuable I am to this world.  It’s so difficult for me to see my own value and worth as I’m constantly being put down both at work anmy with friends and family.  I constantly think that ending my life will make a lot of people happy.  Will it really?  I do not really know and I am not sure I’ll ever find out.  Fortunately I’ve got a couple of real friends keeping their eyes on me.  I’m thinking so many bad thoughts about myself and then start to question the world as to why I’m here?  Please can I see apositive sign to stay alive?  Whyshould I be here on earth?  Please help me.  Thank you.

Sincerely yours,

Forever hopeful


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