Confused again

Dear world,

Im asking for your help as I’m just so confused about life. I had a good, fun day but I’m still in a funk and wonder why I’m still here.  I went from one job to the other today and they both went fine with no real issues or problems.  I got to see a lot of people that I haven’t seen in a while and it was nice.  I just don’t what to do as things seem to go right but I’m still questioning my value and worth in life? Why am I still here? I just don’t get it things went well today and I’m still contemplating suicide. Is there a reason for this? Am I destined to be like this or is there a greater purpose for me here on Earth? I truly believe I’ve got a good heart. I just wish I could be happy. I thought I’d be in a great moodas I didn’t get any complaints on anything today, which is not normal as I’m used to getting complaints or yelled at today. The norm for me is that I’m wrong no matter what I did. Today I wasn’t told that so why do I feel like crap and feel like just leaving this Earth for good. I would love to know what else I can do. I’ve been told to focus on the good things and I’m trying but I keep second guessing myself. I was occupied all day at work so I didn’t have much time to think. I just wish I knew my destiny. Yes I keep hearing that I need to focus on the positive and if that I believe it will come. What do I really want and do I know what it means to be happy? I’m looking for any help I can get but I’m afraid to ask and I’m embarrassed about my feelings. I’m not one to talk about feelings and emotions so this is killing me. I don’t want to admit I’ve got a problem but I don’t know to cope. I need to find a healthy way to vent. I’ve also got to find a way to talk to real people and just not to post online. I’m going to try and learn how to deal in a more positive way and hope to keep going.
Sincerely yours,
Chugging along


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