Looking for help

Dear bloggers, 

Im at a loss and looking for help.  I’m in a really bad place and have been for a while.  I’ve contemplated suicide many times thinking its my best solution.  I’ve really only got one friend I trust with this and feel like a burden.  I really cannot seem to continue finding a reason to go on and I need to figure this out. I don’t have any outlets so my friend got me to start blogging on here. The only thing I look forward to is working with the kids.  I’m great withtithe but once they go home I’m back in myfunk.  I’m looking for any suggestions or ideas on what I can do.  Thanks for reading.

Sincerely yours,

Lost and confused

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20 thoughts on “Looking for help

  1. I’ll be happy to help you. I have many good devotionals, videos and other inspiring material that can help you feel better. Just know that the situation you are now in is not permanent. You have to believe that things will get better…they will!

    I’ll be happy to add you to my mailing list… I send many inspiring emails to all my friends, and I’ll be happy if you become one of them 😉

    God bless you

    Olga
    http://www.olgatodd.com

  2. First of all, I think its very brave and good of you to be honest about this and asking for help. I dont reallyknow you so I’ll just name some things.
    Maybe, being a permanant baby-sitter at a family? Or something else you might like? If you like music, maybe learning to play an instrument. A sport, tennis/hockey/yoga/fitness. A course in something lanuage/painting. volunteering somewhere? In an animal shelter/thrift store/petting zoo/retirement home.

  3. When the kids leave, sit down with some paper and write out the things and activities you want to do the next time they come around. Go buy some crayons, coloring books, playdoh, etc. Get on the internet and look for activities to do with kids (I don’t know their ages, so you’ll have to determine what you can do). Basically, you want to fill your time (and thoughts!) with things you can do the next time the kids come around. You can spend all your free time doing these types of things to keep you busy.

    On weekends, spend your time around kids, if you can. Playgrounds, helping friends with theirs, etc. If kids help keep you grounded, then try to fill all your off-kid time with thoughts of them. Eventually, this should help to develop some great habits within you where you aren’t in your “funk.”

    Bottom line: stay active in a positive way in your thoughts!

    My best to you.

  4. i only just began blogging my own stories of mental illness. i find the support and sense of community on this site amazing! encouraging and helpful. simply writing it down and sharing your thoughts will help you heal! keep blogging..blog away turn this into your journal. even try to journal with pen and paper. i have always found it helpful to write down a list of everything i LIKE about myself. remember suicide is a PERMANENT solution to TEMPORARY problems..think of it that way. i hope you feel better!!!!
    xo Nikki xo

  5. Dear lost and confused-

    I do not know what age you are but being lost and confused is part of growing up. If you feel like a burden to your friend, there are telephone lines to help those who are contemplating suicide. I think your blog is a great idea. But also you need to be talking to professionals in the field who can help you. Good luck and hang in there. Darkness is part of life but after darkness comes the light. Carol

  6. My dear friend, you are not alone. and you are not a burden, you have done the right thing by reaching out for help. There are people who have time to listen to you.

    I don’t know your circumstances, but I know that life gets rough sometimes and we all need someone to listen to us and give us some hope
    Please feel free to email me.
    Email me at embracingfemininity@yahoo.com

    Lots of love and hugs
    Naomi

  7. Hang in there. Find something just one thing that is positive about your day and focus on that. Try and get out of the house. Go for a walk, go to a movie, something to keep your mind occupied when you are really down. If its just too much to handle right now, get some help before you do something you will regret.

  8. I cannot read your post without leaving some sort of self help suggestion in good conscious, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight, even if it came knocking on my door (which it never does).
    Blogging is great. Blogging and reading others words have helped me get through the lonely and hard times. I have one friend who I depended on exclusively, as all others have left me since I am no fun anymore. I am homebound, have no money, live with my mom and I am 50, and am waiting for disability. I finally had to figure my friend here was just doing me a pity favor or her good deed for the month, so I had to end that relationship of over 20 years. I don’t think I have come to terms with that completely as I haven’t felt the loss in my soul. Could be I knew all along what was going on so I was slowly letting go inside and that is why there is no big drama now.
    There are a couple of places I know I have found help, and it is not ‘get your shit together’ or ‘pray to God and all things will be well’ kind of help. It is real people talking about real issues, including depression and suicide. http://myfibrotasticlife.wordpress.com/, http://fightingthisformygirls.wordpress.com/, http://weatheringthestormbp.com/, http://scottishmomus.wordpress.com/. The last one is a Scottish woman of 57 who has depression, up and downs, but who is real and honest and has talked me through a lot. Oh, I forgot one of my main blogs: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/. This guy is Scottish, I have no idea why two of my favorites are from Scotland so I just go with it. He is honest, has Chronic Pain Syndrome, and has been stuck in house for a long time. He has a family who is supportive, but I believe he gets and gives a ton of support from his blogging. Please check him out.
    Now, as far as what you are feeling, I know most people will say they have been there, and they probably have in their own way. I have been there, visit there often actually, but I think the only things which keep me from ‘going to the dark side’ is my animals and my Mom. It is not especially a great deep love for my mom, I would just hate for her to find me after I have committed suicide: she is not the greatest mom, never has been, but she doesn’t deserve to live with the pictures of me dead, of the thoughts of guilt which I know she would have. My animals, well, I know my Mom would take in my cats, but she doesn’t particularly like my little dog. He is a lot of work, in and out, picking up his poo, grooming, and then feeding time is craziness with all three of them having to be fed in a different room. So, I stay because he is like my child and I wouldn’t know what would happen to him. I can’t stand the thought of her taking him to the pound because he is just too much trouble for her.
    So, there, that is what keeps me here. I don’t have children, so I don’t have that reason, just my animals. I don’t even have a great outlook for the future. I am even kinda’ scarred about when and if my disability comes through and I finally get the treatment and surgery I need to get back to a somewhat normal life. Since I have been out of the mix for so long, I have sat back and watched the world go to shit in a hand basket, and I am not sure how I fit in that anymore. I swear it wasn’t that bad when I was working and in the mix.
    Check out the other bloggers, tell them I sent you, and talk to them, be open. I am going to re-blog your piece so my friends see it and can offer help.
    Peace

  9. God loves you. God has a plan for you. Despair is a terribly dark place BUT that’s Satan speaking to you, that’s not from anything good … Not from God. You can email me at proverbsgirl.email@yahoo.com .. I am praying for you NOW .. I am so very sorry you’re hurting and troubled. I want you to know that you are a child of God and HE LOVES YOU and HAS A PURPOSE for YOU!!!!!! Contact me and I will get right back to you. In the meantime, I am praying for you!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Just know that I am thinking of you! I hope that your writing is therapeutic and connects you with others who have been where you are and have successfully made it thru.
    I hope that you see the light in the tunnel and live to guide someone else to it 🙂

  11. Dear Lost, I won’t offend you by saying that I understand what you are going through, truly no one can understand another’s pain. Not me yours nor you mine. I can tell you that for me when things get really bad, if pick up my Bible and start reading the Psalms, or Job, or truly any of the gospels, I distract myself from thinking about myself. Once I find something else to think about, the concentration on how bad I am feeling tends to lift! I don’t know if you are a follower of Christ, or even if you believe in God, but I do know that there are others that would be hurt if you removed yourself from this arena. That is an action that solves nothing and causes so much hurt to those who love you.
    Many years ago I was in such pain, and so depressed, that I would sit in the corner of my bedroom and cry. One day I simply said “God either take my life, or help me” and He did. Things changed, the pain eased enough that I could handle it, and life became better. I am not going to tell you that life is easy, it isn’t! But it is better!
    Suicide is final, no going back.

  12. Sorry you’re in a bad place, I can relate to that. Do you have a therapist? I’m not suggesting that therapy is a magical cure because I don’t believe it is but I do think it can be helpful to learn coping strategies and to have someone to talk to.
    Please call someone if you’re feeling suicidal. It might seem like your best solution now but you never know what’s around the corner. Things can get better.

  13. I agree with all of the above comments. Please take in all of their advice. Know that you are not alone and there are plenty of people who care about you. Think of those kids. They should be motivation to keep you going. I understand all too well how dark loneliness can be. I’ve had severe depression most of my life. I’m just now at age 35 finally able to get the right doctor and the right meds. Please know that I will be praying for you!!

  14. I agree with everything that’s been said so far.
    There’s some things, though, that haven’t been mentioned that I wanted to say something about, just in case they may be helpful to you.
    First of all – obviously, I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I actually found your blog because of one of the people above who reblogged it, so I’ve no idea what you spend your time doing or your age or anything like that. But my advice is this: there’s a temptation, especially on websites such as Tumblr (or anything similar to Tumblr, EG Muzy) to look at and create blogs posting posts about these feelings, to ‘express yourself’ and to finally be honest for once, but nobody finds out… DON’T DO IT. JUST DON’T. IT’S A TRAP AND WILL MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE. (People keep falling into this trap and I wanna make sure you don’t <3)
    HOWEVER, I'm not saying don't talk about it. Not at all; it's a very good idea and you've no idea how much I ADMIRE you for having the courage to be honest about it…especially as there are some judgemental assholes in this world! I think that you asking to talk to somebody is the best thing you could possibly do.
    With the friend you trust…it is a 'slippery slope'. I made the mistake of burdening them too much, and one of them left me alone, which gave me the wake-up call for my brain to make the right links and I ended up freeing my other friend from me (she's still giving me hell for it, but there you go…). This is the dumbest idea in the world and please, don't do what I did. Keep doing what you're doing, and being honest.
    But my advice is to talk to them if you need them, because if they're worth having they'd much rather you 'burden' them than you take your own life…just, no. There is so much to LIVE for!
    The one thing I advice you don't do is, if you can help it, try not to SOLELY focus on that and SOLELY talk about that. I made that mistake, and I paid for it. I don't want you to go down that path! ❤
    I suggest that you do email some of the people who've commented. I also wanna help, so you can send me something on here, or message me at ForeverBelieving on http://www.muzy.com as well. If you wanted to email you, I'm happy to share with you my email address; I'm just very paranoid and don't like the idea of posting it to everyone!
    As you may've guessed from the title 'ForeverBelieving' (which, admittedly, I didn't come up with; the account was gifted to me when I showed interest in it and no-one else did) I really love helping people out and I really wanna help. You're no exception.
    I think that YouTube can be quite helpful, actually. There's a YouTuber known as Speaks on YouTube (he was OnisionSpeaks but he changed his name the other day ._.). Ignore his recent videos; to be blunt they're awful. But if you go back to his older videos, some of the things he says are incredibly helpful. Shane Dawson's made a few videos on the topic as well. GayGod made a video which I think everyone deserves to see and I think I posted it on my blog a few days ago actually! Downtownpatrol (AKA Laura Lejeune) has made some really helpful videos, largely on self-harm but not entirely. All SORTS of YouTubers have made a video which is helpful, but I think that some of Speaks old videos are really helpful. Again, ignore the new ones. STEER CLEAR.
    I'm not trying to self promote at all when I say this, but I want you to read this and see if you can take anything from it.
    http://insufficientinsanity14.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=290&action=edit
    I was looking for something else but I couldn't find it.
    Please, hold on. You can talk to me whenever you need to, and I'll be more than happy to help ❤

  15. I am a middle child. You are in my prayers dear one. There were plenty of times I have entertained suicide in the past, but I never would have become stronger if I didn’t cling onto God. He made you for a reason, and He’s all you need in this world. He created you with much love, and since He loves me just the same, I just can’t help but love you. 🙂

    sheelaleigh@gmail.com

    We can chat about anything you want.

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