Sweetest day holiday

Dear holiday people,

Im not sure if this is a hallmark or a Michigan holiday.  Really, why must you always make us single people feel even more like losers?  As if we don’t see or hear it enough now you make it a holiday. I see all these happy people and it really makes me wonder why I’m here on Earth.  I really believe I’ve got a good heart but I’m not skinny so I can’t get anyone to talk to me, let alone look at me. Why am I here? Why do I always feel as if I can do no right?days like today really have me down and depressed. I’m starting to believe that is my life destination, to leave this Earth so everyone else will be happy. It’s so depressing feeling this way too often. I’ve been told to seek professional help but I’m afraid to do that. I’m not a good one for talking about feelings or emotions. Putting things in this blog is so much easier. I really need to figure this out and I don’t like feeling alone and depressed anymore. It’s time to find some value and worth in my life. If only I could find a real teaching job, I’d be good as I could spend my days in a classroom hoping to help the next generation succeed. In the past when I did teach I was always happy. It’s no fun constantly feeling alone, lonely and depressed. If you have any good thoughts for me I’d to hear them. Thank you.
Sincerely yours,
Holiday hater


Trying to stay positive

Dear bloggers,

Its getting harder and harder to stay positive, especially at work.  My personal life is non existant.  No matter what I do I end up doing alone.  Work has been so bad lately as I know I’m not wanted there by the big boss. I just talked to a friend of mine who the big   I’m constantly told  likes and she told me she just quit.  I was surprised but after talking to her it makes total sense.  Seeing she was liked makes me wonder how much longer I have.  I was out of the building yesterday and today for a certification workshop so I’m just now hearing things.    I’m still trying to find my value and wonder I’m still alive.  I’m really not sure if I want to be here.  Having nothing going for me and knowing work is difficult I’m wondering what to do. Why am I here?  What is my purpose in life?  What do I do to find out what I’m supposed to do?   I feel like I’m useless and here for others entertainment.  I need to figure out my purpose for being here and then I need to plot my goals.

sincerely yours,

Positively useless


Dear world,

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do or did is never good enough?  In my personal life I cannot seem to find too many real people.  Since my ex passed away 3 & a half years ago I cannot seem to find a date.  I’m not skinny but  I’m fit but I’m not a Barbie.  It seems like all guys care about looks and nothing else.   My male friends are like brothers and when I start to talk about relationships they change the subject.  This along with my job and family truly have me thinking about suicide again as then I’ll have nothing to deal with.  But one of my friends just had to deal with a friend who tried committing suicide and failed for the second time.  I see her and the implications on her and upon her family.  I really don’t want anyone to go through that for me.  I still go back and forth constantly in my mind and continually try to find my value and worth.  Right now it’s very hard as I was pretty much told at work that the big boss wants me fired.  I feel i do a good job but I’m a female and I don’t kiss his ass. I thought I was hired to do a job not to kiss the boss’s ass.  I guess I’m wrong.  Knowing this only makes me want to leave this world even more.  I’m not wanted by many in this world.  The children I teach really keep me going as I see the positive impact I have with them. I try tone positive but I can’t find any reasons.  If I hadone thing going for me I may feel less like a loser.  

Sincerely yours,


New day same result

Dear bloggers,

Have you ever woken up and felt like you were Bill Murray in Groundhogs Day?  Well today is one of those days for me.  I’m trying to stay positive and do the best I can.  I got some stuff done around the house, then I finished writing and submitted an article I had due.  I felt pretty accomplished and productive as I got some things done.  It always feels great when you finish something.  I love writing so I feel honored when asked to put an article together as its for an international trade publication.  I’ve got a pretty impressive background that I take for granted.  I’m told by friends that my background is very impressive, but to me it’s just what I do.    My day flew by and I felt good but when I got done I realized how alone I really was.  I’m told if I believe it, then it will come.  I’m trying to believe that a deserve to be with my special someone who I have not found.  It’s depressing and lonely always doing things by yourself.  How many friends do we really have?  I’m learning that true friends are hard to find as most people want something from me.  I need to take things as they are.  It seems that most of my friends call or try to contact me when they know I’m busy.  I’m thinking you know I’m busy so why are you trying to get in touch with me now?  What do you need or want frm me?  I’m sure I’m needed for something other than friendship.  I have another friend of mine who is single and people are trying to set her up all the time.  I cannot help but think what about me?  Am I that hideous that you don’t or won’t set me up?  This is how it’s been my whole life.  I should let it go as its always been that way for me.im really appreciative  that there are people out there like yourselves offering advice as its greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

Sincerely yours

Third wheel

Can’t seem to win or catch a break

Dear world,

Please explain to me why I cannot seem to do anything right.  I’m trying and everything I do never seems good enough.  A perfect example is taking pride in my work,thinking I’m doing a good job.  I had an interaction with the big boss and was pretty much told I’m no good at my job.  The problem I believe is twofold, I’m a female and I speak my mind.  I was told today to take the high road and go apologize.  I’m very sensitive and take ownership about my job.  When something goes wrong or someone is not happy, I tend to take it personally.  I thought caring was allowed but I seem to think only in certain areas.  And with Thanksgiving coming up, my family is coming out of the woodwork. I’m.    I’m not sure if they are sensingsomething or finally getting the hint that I’m done being there.  Life is still so confusing as I just understand why I can’t catch a break.  I was finally brave enough try an online dating website after being told to stop whining about being alone.    I look at people and wonder why I’m still alone.  I’m not skinny nor am I obese.  I see so many people with someone and again it makes me wonder what’s wrong with me.  This makes me contemplate suicide as I don’t think I belong here.  Im so longing for someone special in my life.  I’m so exhausted and fried from work, lack of sleep and too much pain.  I’m so depressed I’m at a loss as what to do cuz I don’t want to bother the ones thattruly are.  I still think if mydestiny is to be here on Earth, it is to a lonely ride all by myself.  I’m still trying to think positive and live life.  It continually gets to me and I do not want to be here.  What is my purpose for being alive?  Do I belong here?  What should I be doing?

Sincerely yours,

Forever trying