Loserville

Dear world,

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do or did is never good enough?  In my personal life I cannot seem to find too many real people.  Since my ex passed away 3 & a half years ago I cannot seem to find a date.  I’m not skinny but  I’m fit but I’m not a Barbie.  It seems like all guys care about looks and nothing else.   My male friends are like brothers and when I start to talk about relationships they change the subject.  This along with my job and family truly have me thinking about suicide again as then I’ll have nothing to deal with.  But one of my friends just had to deal with a friend who tried committing suicide and failed for the second time.  I see her and the implications on her and upon her family.  I really don’t want anyone to go through that for me.  I still go back and forth constantly in my mind and continually try to find my value and worth.  Right now it’s very hard as I was pretty much told at work that the big boss wants me fired.  I feel i do a good job but I’m a female and I don’t kiss his ass. I thought I was hired to do a job not to kiss the boss’s ass.  I guess I’m wrong.  Knowing this only makes me want to leave this world even more.  I’m not wanted by many in this world.  The children I teach really keep me going as I see the positive impact I have with them. I try tone positive but I can’t find any reasons.  If I hadone thing going for me I may feel less like a loser.  

Sincerely yours,

Loser

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